()
I am having kind-of-relationship with this guy. we never (or not just yet) declare that we are dating or sort of in relationship.
but all i know is that i care about him. in fact, i guess, i think about him too much.
even though we don’t meet every day, but we text everyday. not flirting, sometimes just insult each other. but we know that none of us mean a thing.
i think i like or love him. i am not sure, yet. guess i forget how it feels to falling in love with someone.
even though he acts like he doesn’t care, but he did this lil-barely-noticeable-thing for me to make sure that i am ok.
but i am afraid, even terrified that it is really happening. i am actually scare to find out what if those feelings or thinking only happen in my mind? what if he never think the same way?
i really want to make sure or ask him about what kind of relationship that we are having right now? is it friendship? or best-friendship? or more than that?
i wish he choice the last one, thou.
but i am to shy to ask. i don’t think and it will never be a good idea.
what if it will ruin everything?
and now i am talking nonsense -.-‘
i had a big fight with my older sister this morning. There was misunderstanding between us. At first, i tried to stay calm. But then she started screaming and yelling at me. I was so mad because of that. Moreover, i didnt think that it was such a big deal, so why she had to yell at me like crazy person. Then i yelled back at her.
She became more and more furious and kept yelling, “i hate you! Dont you have some respect to me?! Why you yelled at me like that?”
Well, it was not me who yelled first, thou.
Then our parents came. My dad mad at me because my older sister already cried while she kept yelling at me. Even my mom did not say a thing do defense me. I did not have any change to defense myself either. My dad took my sister away and hugged her to calm her down, while i stood at my place left behind.
It broke my heart really bad. Why on earth they did that to me? That was not fair.
Then i continued my work after the big fight. As i came back to my room, all my clothes which were hanged at my sister closet before, were at my closet door. I did not have proper closet for those long dresses, thou. That’s why i kept it at my sister’s.
So, i went out to buy new closet for me. Then when i got home, i saw all my presents for my sister, returned by her and put at all over my room. I mean like ALL the presents that i gave here.
Why she’d done that? Does she really dont want to have anything with me? Now i am confuse. Whose fault is it? Does she really has to play victims?
It’s sad you know. It hurts my feelings.
This is my birthday month. I am heading to my 25th years old.
I remember one of message at my facebook couple years ago. It was long list of questions about me which answered by some of my best friends. One of the question was, what would I be on my 25th birthday?
Some of my best friends answered that I might living abroad pursuing my master degree. Some of them answered that I might married already. some of them answered that I would be a successful business woman. Those were nice life-forecast of mine.
Guess what? None of them are happening, now.
Yes, I am pursuing my master degree. But not abroad, only at Jakarta. And I am not married yet, even I don’t have boyfriend currently. Successful business woman? U wish, darling. It’s my fourth year already, even I never get promoted.
I am not saying that I don’t feel grateful with this life I am living. Alhamdulillah, I still can feel that I have a good life.
But then.
It made me think, why can’t I achieve one of those wishes? What have I done with my life? Does the 20 years old me, would be proud of who I am now?
“O Allah grant me a beautiful & righteous life partner. Aameen.” #islam #dua
(Source: sweetstothesweet)
