Couple months ago in 2012, I tried to pursue my dream in other company. I passed some tests, even me and my team won the first prize for the business game. When they announced our winning through email, I was so happy and optimist that i will win the job as well. Unfortunately, i didnt get it. The company didnt tell me why. But some of my teammates get the job that they want it.
I was so freaking sad. I collapsed in tears for days. I kept wondering why i could not get it? What did I do wrong? Why was I not worth enough for them?
Now, those questions reappear to me. But this time, it’s about a guy that I like.
We were quite close for two years. He was my classmate in my post grads. Sometimes his attention were more than friend. So yeah, i like him. Maybe at some point I fell for him.
But right after the graduation, all of sudden, we dont talk anymore. He seemed dont want to respond to any of my message. I dont know why.
What did I do wrong? Why am i not worth enough for him? Why didnt i deserve some explanations?
Yes, if only someone ask me what will i do, i will answer that i wont give up. I will do whatever it takes to keep it together. I will. I definitely will. They are my everything in this world. My loved ones.
The situation force me to be a grown up. Force me not to think about myself, but also about others. Especially about their feelings.
Whats the point of keeping things together, when none of it will bring any more happiness, only sorrows.
Yes, it is only a possibilities that the sorrow feeling wins this time. Yet, it is also only a possibilities as well that the happiness will greet us in the end.
I have no idea what to do. What to think.
It is their happiness that becomes my first concern. But i am still in a deep doubt that it will come later when time goes by and theres no point of return. Then the decision only brings regrets.
If only i know.